So... Hi. I know I don't have as much energy to create things as I used to. I have too many things piled up and I think the right thing to do would be to write them down. Well, I guess this will be long.

Well, to start with, I'm studying something that I'm not passionate about or interested in because my parents have to. You tell me "this will help you in the future", "electronics pays very well", "just being in a classroom opens your mind"; yes, of course, as if my dreams mattered more than money. Besides, aren't they supposed to be my parents and that it's their duty to help me just as I help them? What good is electronics going to do if what I want to do is learn, well... Many other things. And well. I'm forced to do something totally useless because it's what they want.

And I'm also kind of frustrated that I don't have the money to buy things that I can use to do the things I like. I have a computer that I have to share with my sister, and I have a stupid schedule that I have to keep, and when I feel inspired, whether it's to draw or try to write a song (I have a ton of unfinished songs lying around) I can't because I have a schedule that, if I don't keep, I'll be a bad kid. (And I don't really like drawing on paper at all because it just doesn't feel the same.) I guess my parents don't understand that I'm making art and that I'm really just nourishing myself.

I feel like my parents are holding me back, that they say they are helping me but they are only stopping me from doing what will really help me. I want to do a thousand things: finish my OSU skin, create a video game, maybe an animated series, go to the gym even.

Maybe I'm also going through a kind of burnout, like I no longer have the same energy I had at 12 to fill a sketchbook in just 2 months, because of all the stuff i'm writing down right here i guess.

Maybe I'm being unrealistic, maybe I'm still a kid who wants to do a thousand things because he thinks he can reach the stars. But I don't care, I'm going to try. If I don't succeed it doesn't matter, at least I did it doing what I like. I'd rather pursue an impossible dream than settle for a stable job.

I also feel a bit lonely. I'd like someone to talk to and play with. I feel a bit down and don't want to spend my free time alone all the time. But I know I don't need someone else by my side to feel complete.

You know, I still want to keep creating stuff. I don't have much longer to finish school. Maybe I'll get a job out there. Maybe I'll take commissions - assuming I'm skilled enough that people will give me money to draw something for them, I don't know.

I don't know if I just need a break, maybe I just need to get myself together a bit, maybe I'm not all that well and I don't realize it. I just know that I still have a long way to go. I want to live a life worth remembering, because despite everything I have confidence in myself. I just need to find the right path.

I told you this was

going to be long.